LIFE: A CYCLE | By Sundus Behroz

LIFE: A CYCLE

 Written by : 

            Sundus Behroz

"No need to go to your friend's house ,

stay at home and do your homework." I shouted at my daughter and went to the kitchen to prepare lunch for her. Today she didn't went to school as exams were near  and she requested to study with her friend to which I said NO. I heard some voices from lounge and I peeked to see who was talking. Someone was crying . My heart sank as I heard it was Anaab , my daughter , who was talking to her friend on phone. She was crying and saying " I hate mummy , she never understands me . She is not a good mother" . I don't know what her friend said but I was all ears to her reply " But your mother is like your friend , why can't my mummy be? She always scolds me . She always dictate me and doesn't care about my feelings....."  She was saying something else too but my feet denied to help me stand and listen . I felt something warm  flowing on my cheeks but I didn't cared to clean it. Now I was listening to  another voice , another girl talking to her friend and telling her that her mother was a dictator and doesn't cared for her feelings. She never let her live her life. That voice was familiar  and the girl too was weeping. I felt more weak. I was the same mother as mummy  was and my daughter had the same complaints as me. What went wrong ? I had promised myslef in my youth that i would be a good mother but I failed. Why? This realization gave me goosebumps.  I begin pondering  and reached a conclusion that Anaab was not wrong neither was I in my youth , but where the problem is? I was rude to my daughter and shouted at her every now and then but I thought this was the only way to make her understand. I cannot explain the reasons to her . She is too young to know.I  cannot tell her that her friend's house is far and I can't let her go alone as I am  afraid of the increasing rates of rape and harassment . I cannot go with her as her other siblings have exam too and I have to asssist them.  My mother also never gave reasons " MY MOTHER HAS NEVER GIVE ME REASONS." This acted as a catalyst , speeding up my thought process.  I was always upset at the tone of my mother but now I  understand that kids cannot listen to NO calmly and from a calm parent or they demand reasons and explanations. So thats why both the mothers adopted this way. I also had lost that zeal and was fed up.  Strict Routines always bothered me . Job, home, kids, husband and  two families had tired me up  and there was no other way  to put out my frustration then shouting on them. I had no contact with friends because of my busy schedule.I found this excuse lame. I always advised my to take your own time which make you strong to fight the battles  and I had forgotten it myself. I used to give lectures to them on the language of love and today I myself don't use it. I always wondered they are my kids, why don't  they understand me  but I forgot that I never opened my heart to them . I never let them peek into me.   My heart ached at this feeling. I felt pity for my daughter. She is very dear to me and I am going to tell her the reasons . What if my life seemed  colorless, I will make theirs colorful . Once when I had enthusiasm for life ,I loved Rumi for his saying " Its all WITHIN you" . Today I am going to implement it and see its spell. I wiped my tears and walked towards lounge. I am going to share with her  and we will be friends.

BFF